Shirou Emiya @ Eachdraidh (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
steelminded) wrote2023-04-29 03:12 pm
steelminded) wrote2023-04-29 03:12 pm
IC Contact
"Hey, Shirou Emiya here, sorry, looks like I can't get to you right now, so please leave a message, and I'll get back to you shortly."
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[ Truthfully, if she said it to him a week ago, he'd have been angry for a few seconds before calming down after saying something he'd regret. But the time he spent with the builders are changing him slightly. It's true that both him and Tohsaka shared a bond that's closer than anyone else.
But at the same time, Shirou's innate ideals clashed with that very bond, causing an innate paradox that heals and hurts them both at the same time. He's too selfless to accept love, she's too selfish to inflict burden on him. It's a strange pull and receive bond, if he's honest.
Still, at this point, one of them has to relent, and he'd rather not hurt Tohsaka if he has to. ]
What matters the most to me is if you're alright and well. [ He's still immature. He needs to improve if he's to be able to protect Tohsaka. Saber has that strength, he doesn't.
Maybe Lancer was right. He has to keep up his training if he ever wants to stand on the same ground as Tohsaka, rather than chasing after her like a crazed protector. ]
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This is just like Emiya in the end. He's always striving towards making everyone else happy and not worrying about his own compensation in the end. She saw it within Archer, so why wouldn't he start to show those same traits?
No matter how many times she tries to convince herself that Shirou Emiya isn't Archer, it circles back around to this.
He was. This stupid man who deserves her smile as compensation for all those who refused to smile for her in his lifetime was one in the same. How long was he going to be able to resist the call of a hero here? ]
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[ He admitted it.
It's true, it never was fair. For him, who had fought his hardest to the end of the war, having forged this bond he has with Tohsaka, to relinquish it will mean giving up. The only other way he could be with her is if he has the strength to protect her, to keep her going forward while walking alongside her.
And he lacks that strength, and he hates the fact. ]
As much as I hate it, Saber's better suited for you as a protector for now.
[ His frustration is clear. Rather than being completely fine with it, it's as if he's forced to choose not for his own's sake, but for Tohsaka's. ]
Compared to her, I'm...
[ 'Just a selfless guy who can't even hold onto you.' ]
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Why won't you at least say you want me still or something to confirm that the past year meant something to you?!
voice; -> video;
He changed the feed to one that shows his image. Whether or not Tohsaka responds in kind doesn't matter, but for once, Rin will see that Shirou's struggling with his own answer. ]
Of course I do, Rin! [ Again he calls her by her first name, a rare occurrence, as well as an outburst by him. ]
That last year together meant a lot to me, [ but he doesn't deserve it (lies, the fire never claimed his emotions), he never does. ]
But what about Saber, then, will you just refuse her like that if I said yes!? [ Even if it's not the same Saber, he can't bear to see her in despair no matter what. ]
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No, I won't refuse Saber. [ This isn't a conversation fit for the locket, but they're so far apart right now that she has no choice. ]
Saber was my Servant and you know what that means. Sharing those dreams and goals makes it difficult to turn away from them. B-Besides... when I first came here, I was under the impression that I'd never be able to return.
That I would never be able to see you again.
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[ ...Shirou's pained expression slightly disappeared from his face as he closed his eyes and sighed. Surely the others would definitely hear his outburst just now. Either ways he's going to open them again and— ]
I see.
[ He understood now, why Tohsaka's selfish. It's not that she was changed by the war. No, this core value of her had existed in the beginning. Unlike his father, who burdened him with an ideal that will destroy him if left unchecked, Tohsaka's parents left her something else entirely. The wound from being left behind continued to persist for her, while Shirou had Kiritsugu to heal that wound, even if it did leave him with that disastrous ideal in the end. ]
I'm not going to leave you despite this, Rin. If you chose Saber over me I won't mind.
[ ... ]
But that doesn't mean I'll give you up. We made a promise to stay together, and I intend to complete that no matter what.
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When it comes to admitting her weaknesses, she always faltered. A Tohsaka must be elegant as that was the family creed and confessing out loud that she needs him is everything but elegance. ]
I need you to just wait for me. I'll live this illusion a little longer and then when we set things right, we can return to our home together. You can be a hero here and I can be a king's consort.
It isn't as if... it isn't as if our actions here will matter when we return, you know? It'll be a distant dream when we're back home away from all of this.
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No, she needed him to wait for her, so she can come back to him once more.
But that's a paradox, Shirou Emiya continuously moved forward, faking happiness along the way to mask the emotion that he should not feel. While he might no longer go through the path of the blacksmith, he still moved forward to a place that Tohsaka might not be able to reach if he surpassed her.
It's a scary thought, but that is the truth. ]
Tohsaka.
[ He opens his mouth without thinking twice. He remembered the nightlit sky as they both sat together, backs facing each other after she registered the loss of her faithful Servant. ]
I'll wait for you.
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Thank you, Emiya.
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Keep yourself safe, alright?
[ Because even after everything, he still can't bear the thought of losing her most compared to anything else. ]
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There's a stupid boy who is relying on me to take care of myself when he's unable to and it'd annoy me to make someone like that cry.
[ Smiling just before she closes the locket, not giving him a chance to retaliate. ]
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[ There's a sigh as he closed his own, and closed his hand on it tightly. Tohsaka seems to be running into way more problems than he can handle right now, and it's worrying him. He doesn't mind if they separate in terms of love, as they'll still be allies regardless.
He's just afraid on thinking of what would happen should either him, Waver or Saber disappears.
The burden her father gave her is no longer a burden, it's a curse that he has to dispel. ]